If you would have known me 5 years ago - you would be scratching your head wondering what happened to me. Kids were not in my plan, I am scared to hold babies, and being a mom was the last thing on my list that I ever thought I would check off. Now, here I am melting like butter over the tiny diapers we have stocked in the nursery.
There is one word that I would use to describe the place I have found myself in...blessed. As a dear friend of mine put it so well, it is 'realizing the deepest desire of your heart that you didn't even know you had.' Only one person could bring me to this place, and I took my time getting here. It took heartbreak, loss, brokenness, judgement, anger, redemption and healing to bring me to a point of feeling this way, but I wouldn't go back and change anything...Christ has brought me here.
When I say I am still in disbelief that Brett and I are adding to our family, truly sometimes it took me seeing my bulging belly to remember that this is real. Being pregnant was the last thing I trusted by body to be capable of. This is something I have known for about 10 years; I accepted it at the time and moved on with my life thinking 'mom' was never a job title I would hold. Brett even knew it and was a friend when I struggled through the news when I first found out my freshman year of college.
Having a family was never something I truly had a desire for until I started dating Brett. He knew well about the fact that it would be difficult to have a family on our own; I was very open about that since I knew having a family was important to him. To my satisfaction, he was open to adoption as a plan for growing our family. When the time was right - we would be ready to open our hearts to someone in need of a home.
Being the perpetual planner that I am, that 'right time' was when we had been married for 5 years and had stashed away a heavy sum in an adoption savings fund. So you can imagine my shock and disbelief when I found out I was pregnant only 6 months after we were married...may I also mention the week before I started a new job. That was not my plan. Panic overcame me and it was hard to be excited when something so bizarre to me had just popped into our lives. Silly me, I couldn't even see the miracle that I had encountered.
Brett struggled along side me as I went through emotions of having my plan disrupted, feeling like we didn't get enough time together, and my sheer terror of being ready to be a parent. I was still in denial when I called the doctors office back in March and said - I think I am pregnant. The most darling nurse on the other end of the line asked if I took a pregnancy test and if it was positive, to which I answered 'yes'. Hiding a chuckle in her voice, she said well you are most definitely pregnant and let's schedule all your initial appointments, ultra sounds and find out your due date. {Due date? Don't you need a blood sample, urine sample and my right arm to confirm this?!} Turns out there is rarely such a thing as a false positive.
My denial continued until our first ultra sound, despite my chest that looked like I had a breast augmentation over night and the severe vomiting all hours of the day. When we went in I told Brett I was so nervous there was going to be an empty screen. What if nothing was in there, what if my body wasn't a suitable home for the baby, what if something was wrong?
Low and behold, there she was bouncing around in her little swimming pool as cute as ever. Seeing her little heart beat changed my life forever. Reality set in as I looked at my husband and soon-to-be father that God had allowed us to become parents.
As you may have read previously, pregnancy was not glamorous for me. {Brett's words.} The only test I didn't fail was the Group B Strep Test, and later when they tested me for preeclampsia after having gestational hypertension pop up. Everyday for about 30 weeks I was slave to the porcelain throne and thought seriously about installing a garden knee pad next to it. At 35 weeks I was put on bed rest after asking if I could still go to prenatal yoga that night. Seems like I like really clear and outlined parameters.
After testing negative for preeclampsia {thank goodness}, my doctor scheduled an induction for 38 weeks. My body apparently couldn't handle any more. In my mind, Jesus had given me somewhat of a plan! November 4 we checked into Holland Hospital after carbo loading at Hops at 84 East. Prepared to endure what I anticipated to be 24+ hours of induction, I settled in and hoped for some good rest after a sleeping pill and sending Brett home to sleep in our own bed.
Without too much of the TMI details, my water broke at 4:15 am and things progressed quickly after that. Brett was called in and got there by 5:30 am and my epidural soon followed. Things came full circle when I got nauseous and threw up right before I started to push. {Seriously?!} The next part I am told is pretty uncommon, especially for a first baby. After pushing 3 times and then throwing up, I literally puked our miracle baby out. The entire ordeal took maybe 5 minutes. {Don't hate on me, the 9 months prior was sheer torture.}
Our daughter Elizabeth Paige Kuipers entered the world at 9:51 am {yes I waited an hour for my doctor to come out of a c-section - even took a nap} at 8 lbs 6 oz and measuring 20.5 inches long. My fear that she would be tiny since she was two weeks early and since I was so sick vanished when the doctor held her up. My eyes may have nearly fallen into the puke bucket my loving husband was clenching. {Bless his heart.} She was here and she was so perfect; we just love our Baby Paige.
These first two weeks have been so wonderful regardless of the struggles of adjusting to caring for a newborn. Watching Brett be a dad is my absolute favorite part. We are two lucky ladies to have such an awesome man in our life. Enjoy a few photos below from the hospital and our first few days as a family of three.
If you want baby overload, head over to my Instagram and follow me at @darkaykuips.
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